Whats up guys. This is Josh, Brian's brother. I originally got him into Bikeguide back when I used to be super active on the forums. College and work got me away from coming home to Bikeguide a few years ago and since then I have only lurked here and there. I am sure many of you are seeking closure, just as I am in everything that has happened. You know the thing about Brian is he would go hard on everything. I started riding BMX when he was still a sponsored skater. About six months in, he got a bike. Next thing you knew, two weeks later he had surpassed me and was doing tech shit while I was still on the fundamentals. then he got into a shop. the he ran the shop for pennies in the background, and made his way to work at Haro finally. He drank hard, he rode hard, he lived hard, and still always had time to have a smile on his face no matter what bone was broken or what shit had been going wrong in his life. The last few years he has made so many good choices in his life. His long time nickname of "Hesh" was starting to wear off a bit. He wore nice shirts, and got his motorcycle. Settled down with his girlfriend and became the provider of a small family, but still a family. He was mending deep wounds with my father. He was becoming a true responsible adult. The thing that tears me up, as many of you might remember, is that he got me through 3 1/2 years of Chemotherapy from aggressive Leukemia. He was always there for me while I was down and on the verge of death, holding on by a smile. During that time he was more than just my older brother, but my Best Friend. During all of my chemo he helped me build the raddest Randy Brown build from bikeguide sales in the trans red with twombolts, odyssey races, profile wheels, and my favorite a chrome challenger just to keep me looking forward in life and to get stoked on living again. Brian had been on some medications. I was not aware of them, but they were revealed to me by our mom recently. They were making him physically sick, but helping him with life mentally. He was really trying to balance out the dosage and figure out the right medication. Not saying he had any disorders or depression, life can get to everyone. The main thing about these medications, as some of you might know, is that you cannot stop cold turkey. You can experience deep depression and suicidal thoughts very rapidly, which is not like my brother. Brian always knew best, even if it was not the right way. You couldn't convince him otherwise. So when it came to taking advice from a doctor on quitting medications, he was not really avidly listening. Not saying that this is the reasoning for the events that happened, but it only takes one line to connect two dots. He has touched so many lives, seamlessly without effort, by just being himself. He will be missed, remembered, forgotten by some, but shit that's life. After the last few weeks, with everything that has played out, the best way to describe myself is numb. Not because I want to be, but because I just am. My emotions only have gotten the best of me once, driving his motorcycle home from the side of the road that day where he took his life, trying to fathom what was going through his mind on his drive out there. We are having a traditional service on the Friday Jan. 17th at 1pm in Escondido at Emanuel Faith Community Church that all friends are welcome to. Since I work at the Escondido skatepark, we are also organizing a Ride For Brian BMX Jam that following Sunday for the 19th. Details are still shady, and I am getting it all sorted out on Tuesday when I come into work. I'll will let everyone know what is up when I find out. With all this being said, thanks for the condolences from everyone, and I hope you can seek some sort of closure from this. Ride on Bro!
Topic: RIP Brian Itzaina (Read 185607 times)
