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Messages - Zoidberg

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136
The Lounge / Re: all this mayhem
« on: July 20, 2015, 04:34:04 PM »
Stoked: The Rise and Fall of Gator

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNeOS_aDjE8

aces, thanks for the link, i watched this today and was not expecting the darkness!

don't get me wrong, these films are tragedies of greek proportions but you can't deny that they are absolutely fascinating.

maybe it's because they're real or maybe because of the boundaries they pushed or the extremes they go to or just how hard hitting they are.

 

137
stretching solves so many problems, fact

138
The Lounge / Re: all this mayhem
« on: July 16, 2015, 06:20:19 PM »
If you've never heard the tale of Gator (aka Mark Rogowski) you should check that shit out too

sounds good, title?

139
The Lounge / Re: all this mayhem
« on: July 16, 2015, 06:19:11 PM »
I saw this Australian clay-mation movie called Max and Mary that I was really into. Who is Harry Nilsson was a good one too.

i fucking love 'max and mary,' one of the best!

but totally off topic dude

140
The Lounge / post BG redux PAPOY
« on: July 16, 2015, 06:17:36 PM »
here's to you, you pipe hitting bitches



edit: my shorts look weird, eat my shorts

edit, edit: i'm not ginger, it's sun kissed




141
The Lounge / all this mayhem
« on: July 15, 2015, 07:51:12 PM »
i watched this film the other night on netflix (oh thank you netflix for coming back into my life) and it was fucking awesome

so in true netflix fashion but with a BG twist, because i liked that:


142
The Lounge / Re: Fan Theory (films)
« on: July 09, 2015, 09:07:26 AM »
Tee hee ! ^^^

I'd give you a green box if I could, but lo! I hereby bequeath you a quest for the missing BG green boxes of old! There may be peril.

143
The Lounge / Re: Fan Theory (films)
« on: July 09, 2015, 07:06:45 AM »
Hey, hey, hey!

If you're talking about game of thrones, stop making my thread lame!

- how do you know if someone has read the game of throne books?

- because they tell you

144
The Lounge / Fan Theory (films)
« on: June 28, 2015, 01:33:36 PM »
Obviously I've had too much time on my hands but I've started looking into fan theory for films/ tv series which is where people come up with alternative meanings for films and stuff.

So far, I like these ones:

1. In 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off,' Ferris doesn't exist and is Cameron's imaginary friend like in 'Fight Club.'

2. The blue meth from 'Breaking Bad' is what starts the zombie break out in 'Walking Dead.'

3. E.T was a Jedi.

4. The 'Jetsons' and the 'Flintstones' happen at the same time in a post apocolyptic future where the rich live in the sky and the poor live on the ground imitating technology they once used.

5. James Bond is just a code name.

Do you know any good ones?


145
The Bike Shop / Re: What did you do to your bike today? (v2)
« on: June 22, 2015, 10:30:29 AM »
Yep, original paint and headtube sticker. Euro bb.

Got it off here for £35 a long time ago now. The right chain stay has seen better days but apart from that it's been good to me.

146
The Bike Shop / Re: What did you do to your bike today? (v2)
« on: June 22, 2015, 05:30:58 AM »
Is Paulo still alive?

I saw him last Tuesday for the first time in ages, he's still married so he's kind of alive : )

147
The Lounge / Re: Bicycle messengers of BG.
« on: June 21, 2015, 03:20:21 PM »
It’s not ideal.

I started as a courier 8 years ago but if I count up the months with a year off here and stuff there, in August it will be five years on the road. I’ve only ridden in London but there is definitely a scene in Ireland, I could ask about a bit but I can tell you about London.

Anyway, you do get paid per job and that means no sick or holiday pay, pension etc. If you’re off work you have no income. Some companies will charge you say £25 a week until you get to whatever, between £100 and £200, and they’ll keep that as a deposit for your radio and you get it back when you leave, usually that is. Other firms, the bigger ones, will charge you roughly that per week and keep it as a hire charge for your radio, clothes (tshirts or polos, jackets), a bag that’s usually shite, and whatever device you get jobs on unless it’s paper. You will also be self employed so responsible for your own tax and you won’t be insured. All firms work a week in hand and you get paid every Friday. With clothes and bags usually firms will let you use your own if they are better than what they give you but some can be picky about jackets/ tops and some will have you wear your ID on your radio.

In order to get started, join any firm that will take you. Have a look on the internet to find them and just call them up asking if they are taking on new riders but turning up in person will work in your favour. They might give you a short written test on how well you know the city and what kind of stuff you should carry with you. Usually it will be a small firm taking you on but you might get lucky and walk into a big one straight away. You should aim to move around firms but at each one you need to work yourself up and prove yourself to your controller. They won’t be good to you if you aren’t good to them and they already know who their good riders are and who will stick around.

The money you get from jobs can be as little as £1.25 because courier firms will cater to all types of clients so their charges will usually vary. This also works on the volume of work they get from that client. Because of this, bigger clients will obviously get priority on their jobs over smaller clients. There are three types of jobs: normal, double (firms and even controllers at the same firm use different terms) which goes straight there and a return, which obviously needs to go back. Although some jobs like embassy jobs or things that have to be signed, you need to take something somewhere and then take it somewhere else. Oh wait, you can also get multi drops where you pick up a bunch of stuff from one place, these can be criminally priced. If you are waiting at a client’s for more than ten minutes you can start the clock on charging ‘waiting time’ which isn’t much and sometimes work can be taken off you if you are still waiting or if you fuck your bike and can’t sort it out. This is a big reason for riding fixed because there is less to go wrong or maintain. There’s a guy on my fleet who has an amazing geared bike with all sorts of bells and whistles but when it goes wrong he has to take it either home or to a shop which will both mean time and money but more importantly time off your bike which is time not earning.

Ideally you want a few things in your bag at any given moment. Your controller will get to know your speed (although you need to be a certain standard) and will be setting you up for a run and if anything comes up when your on that run near you, you’ll get that too, maybe in priority of what you are doing so it gets quite hectic. Mostly, you’ll do a bit of running about then go off in one direction and then they’ll be sorting stuff out for you on the way back. The quality of controllers can vary but some of them can only do so much with what they have in terms of lining up work for you. You may end up somewhere where they have no clients and have to wait around a bit to get started again or the work just might not be coming in at that time where you are.

Some people have regular contracts with one of their firm’s clients and will get extras on top. Some people have ‘guarantees’ or ‘g’s’ where you always get paid a set amount per week. This isn’t always a good thing as the firm will want to get their money out of you so you might get run about a bit doing dead miles (which is when you have nothing in your bag and have to go a distance to pick something up) and some people can earn more than they’re offered on their g. Guarantees aren’t set in stone anyway, you won’t get it that week if you miss a day and you could get it taken off you if you work for a small firm and the boss feels like it, or they could decide to just shrink it a bit.

All firms will have a kind of hierarchy. Small firms can have a fleet of between 8 and 30 riders and they will have their top boy or boys. If you get good enough, it will get to the point where you will have to wait until they leave for you to progress. Also you’re firm may decide to take on new riders which means less work for everyone. Big firms have all the clients and that is the single most important thing because they have all the work, meaning more work for you and less distance between jobs. Essentially, you will live and die by your controller. The golden rule being, shut up and do the work and if you’re any good you will get more. Some people just get lucky though.

You can get fired for anything, it’s absurd how easy it is. For example, one guy I know rode for a firm for 3 years until a taxi cut him up so he spat on it, then the taxi driver called the firm to complain and they fired him on the spot which is a good reason to wear as little uniform as possible. If you mess up a big job for a big client or are even rude to a client, you can also lose your job on the spot too. This kind of thing happens a lot. There is a very high turn over in riders for all firms for various reasons. Newbies who decide they can’t take it (two weeks or even two days is not unusual), people getting fired, people moving to other firms, injuries, people quitting, not being good enough etc.

Acquisitions is also a big one at the moment, there are very few firms left now as the big ones keep buying them up but I think there will always be a need for small firms and often clients will use two firms with one as a back up. With acquisitions, they aren’t concerned with the riders they inherit, just the clients, and will very often freeze out these new riders by not giving them enough work to get by on and their rates are often lower. Also the industry is very cut throat when it comes to getting new clients as the best they can do is under cut other firms and make up for the money out of the rider’s share. Every firm will occasionally drop its rates, maybe because that contract is up and another firm has offered less or maybe that firm aren’t doing very well in general and need to cut costs. Firms will always make up for short falls from the riders. This means that there is a lot of moving about for all concerned. The riders really do get dicked. The ratio of what you earn compared to what the company gets is quite often astonishing. I work for a small fleet within a big fleet doing medical stuff and there are some jobs where we get about eight quid that our firm charges the client fifty for.

The reason couriers often ‘ride like cunts’ is because of both how many jobs you have to do a day to earn a decent wage and also because some of the deadlines are horrendous. For my work there’s a city run where you have to pick up five jobs from five different places at 17.45. To be able to do it, you have to work out which clients complain so prioritize them for nearest to that time and be fucking nice to everybody.

The clients have no idea you don’t get a wage or any perks or have insane deadlines and are often more than happy to blame the messenger before accepting any responsibility if a job goes wrong and ultimately your firm will side with the client if it means them losing work. This could just mean that they can’t send you to that place again, you could get fired, or worst of the worst, your firm could lose the client. A recent story is a guy on my fleet got sent to pick up various blood samples, the nurse asks him to pick the right ones out of a jumble to which he says he can’t as he can’t take responsibility, which is true. So she phones our firm queries this and is told the courier is right so she spends as long as possible sorting them before giving them to him and calling again to complain. There’s always arse ache.

It’s another reason why couriers can be quite surly. You’re always in a rush and people tend to think you’re rude if you’re in a rush because they are not. Security guards are particular wankers in this respect. Clients also won’t address things properly, sometimes not at all, sometimes it will have an old address, no addressee. Things like that fuck you up as you should have a few jobs on with deadlines ticking away while your firm are trying to phone around to sort out what you do. Quite often it will mean you have to take it back later or will upset the run you’re on if you have to do it sooner. Of course your firm will blame you for not checking the package first as it also means more work for them and the client will be pissed off at you as their boss has already had a go at them. Meh. I know this one courier who does embassy work for a huge financial company which means notorizing company stuff which is basically getting it signed and then to the right places in the right order in the right times. Essentially he gets the blame if something goes wrong for not checking the work that this finance company charges extravagant fees to their clients for which is actually being done by this 50 plus year old alcoholic, ex junkie who talks to pigeons.

The clients vary in what they do, really it’s for people who need stuff there right away so have a lot of money or do important work or are working to deadlines: architects, lawyers, media, fashion, medical, embassies, pr, advertising, etc. This means you get things of all shapes and sizes, some of which can be a real pain in the arse or more succinctly: ‘fucking liberties’ but more importantly, you get to go everywhere.

You’ll be doing between 40 and 80 miles a day everyday, wind, rain or shine so you’ll be pretty knackered or hungry a lot of the time. Two days a week, you’ll just be going through the motions having tired days. It ain’t all glory. If you don’t like the rain then steer well clear as it rains a lot more than it doesn’t in London so if where you are is the same, remember that the majority of your time will be spent in the rain. No lunch breaks either : ( With those kinds of miles you will getting through parts and clothes quite quickly from all the wear and tear which can either be pricey or something you have to put up with until you can afford whatever. If there’s not something wrong with your bike chances are you will be carrying an injury. Bank and school holidays impact how much work you get so your wages won’t be steady and there is more work during the winter than the summer. Putting ‘bicycle courier’ on your cv also won’t do you any favours. It’s career kryptonite.

Ten years or so ago, riders got paid more than they do now. It’s a dying trade really. First it was fax, then email, and next it will be 3d printing. There will always be a need for couriers but the market they cater for is diminishing. Rates for jobs have always declined over time with the recession fees offered by firms taking a big bite on top. Rates never go up. What will happen is a firm will get new riders offering them guarantees but will then lower that guarantee after a while and they won’t just do that once. Another reason for moving around.

At the moment there are a few other things in the mix. There’s a union of riders starting up to address the rights and pay that riders get at the moment which is generally fuck all. In fact some firms have it written into your contracts that you can’t join a union. It’s a shame though as they are going about it the wrong way and look like they are aiming to change the job into being a postman. I’ve heard PAYE and £4 minimums are what they’re after but the problem with that is it will change who the couriers are and the price thing is a shitstorm in itself. With the tax thing, as it is now anyone can walk into a firm and start the same day whether they’ve done it before or not. A lot of the work force is therefore foreign and not planning on doing it forever. Some people want to do it but because anyone can do it and it is all some people can do like maybe because of criminal records or just no education, there is an interesting mix. I’ve already mentioned the turnover of riders within the industry. So this will mean the majority of people who do it now won’t be able to do it as you can’t pay tax if you live in a squat for example. The wages are low and the amount of money you have to spend on parts and food and living will mean that it will be pretty impossible to wait until your PAYE gets sorted.

Also it will mean the riders are employed by the firms making them liable for the riders and there are lots of accidents. As a firm you could take on some idiot that crashes into a lawyer walking along the same day that ends up costing you a fortune and it may be tricky to fire him. This is why couriers are self-employed so if you have an accident your firm don’t have to pay you while you’re injured and they can just fire you so as to not take any responsibility from who or what you hit. With liability, I imagine it would be very costly running a courier firm and a miracle to do it at any profit. As for the £4 minimum, it would be nice but so would a pair of Phil Wood hubs. Something better yes, but it’s a cutthroat roundabout, crazy train of a business. Some small firms and clients just might not be able to afford it. And the big clients and the sliding scale fees are possibly what makes the whole thing possible. Also the quality of riding would go down with the new breed but that’s probably just personal opinion. There certainly are many issues that need to get addressed but they’re not doing themselves any favours in how they’re going about it, however that’s personal opinion too. But anyway, answers on a postcard please. It’s also worth remembering there have been about four union attempts in the last fifteen years or something.

Also there’s a new thing starting up over here, which is like Uber or the other taxi apps. There’s already people doing this successfully in New Yoik and Denmark apparently but it looks like this one is struggling to take off and is still very much in testing. I’ve done some work for them and you get a phone and the app works off google maps, so it shows you the pick up and drop and even suggests a route. It also tells you how much you get paid and you can choose to accept it or not. You can also use it on the job like Sat Nav but they have a lot of work to do to get it all sorted. They are still only doing one ups for a start. It will be interesting to see what impact they have, they aim to have a small fleet of regular riders and then other people doing it as well as their regular jobs. Each time a job is done the rider and client rate each other for future users to be aware of. They are throwing loads of money at it and aim to take it abroad in the future. I think it will work if they market it at the general public rather than companies, so it could be used by someone who has left their phone at a meeting or in a coffee shop rather than big clients doing big business.

The guy who is doing it is a good dude. I had this weird meeting with him earlier this year that was set up by another courier, with us three and two people from a film crew who were shooting a film. It was a bit contrived because this courier had told everyone different reasons for the meeting. Anyway, the film people were making a feature film shot in London having made a ten minute short with Jaime Winstone so were now doing it big time off the back of that and a Kickstarter but sans Jaime Winstone. Eleanor Someone from ‘Poldark’ is the lead. They’ve also got one of the guys from Rizzle Kicks(!), an upcoming model for Burberry (who crashed his bike on the last day of shooting and had an operation the next day as a result), someone else who’s starting to do well and after this meeting I fitted in as an extra and apparently credited ‘rider consultant.’ They were already half way through shooting but wanted to get some actual couriers in it which was why this courier had set up the meeting which worked towards his ulterior motives. So anyway, they asked for 15 couriers over a couple of days and we had a whale of a time shooting. We managed a few red lights with a police escort one day and I was at the front of the pack when that Burberry kid ate shit. I’m a steward for the big race in the end and look like a complete tool as we are all in Halloween make up. I race in that and am also in another race in normal clothes. Chances are I shall mostly be cut from the final thing and my ‘rider consultant’ credit won’t happen, but really that was just getting the riders in and trying to put our logos everywhere we could so fair enough. It was a good laugh to do, we got paid and we got fed and got drunk but there are loads of head scratching moments such as how they manage to get a wooden table to a checkpoint for an alleycat. The cast kept falling off their bikes so often it would have made for a good drinking game. Anyway the riding should look good judging from the short and the trailers I’ve seen so it’s win win for us, doesn’t matter if it’s a turkey or a cult classic. It’s wrapped and they took it to Cannes but will probably be in post production for a bit maybe. Apparently Universal were interested before they went and so was someone else. Excuse me while I go start my imdb page.

But as for couriering, I wouldn’t recommend it as a job to plan to do for keeps, a lot of people only mean to do it for so long and get stuck in it, me being a prime example. I’m due to take over the larger half of a contract I share at the moment and I’m aiming to make it my last stint on the road. But that doesn’t mean I regret a single thing. You get to go amazing places, meet all sorts of people, carry all sorts of things (I once delivered a script to the late Christopher Lee in person to his place) and end up in the most bizarre situations. Every day you don’t know where you are going or how the work or weather will be. Personally, I’ve not travelled but there is a global scene where annual events take place. This year there’s been the world’s in Australia, euros in Milan, there’s one in Glasgow and another in London. There's one in Ireland too. One guy I know has couriered in Australia and New York and now rides London. So there’s all that scene if you want it as it is a kind of niche job that brings about a sort of team spirit. The end of a working day can be incredibly satisfying especially in tough conditions and you get to pull off some sweet moves on a daily basis. On top of that you are riding YOUR bike every day and all day so really the work is the reward because it’s not about the money, money, money. Because that’s not even funny.

For an outsider's opinion, here are a couple of articles from people who have come to a few of our races (we're in a print magazine soon):

http://www.accent-magazine.com/issue6/Alleycats

http://www.pedlas.com/cemetery-cycling-club-bombing-it-in-london/

but you can keep up with them on the subtle tumblr in my sig. I just put a sweet trailer in there for the upcoming edit, the trailer might well be more homo erotic than Top Gun. There's another one with riding there somewhere too and I'm working on a third which should be good.

148
The Bike Shop / Re: What did you do to your bike today? (v2)
« on: June 21, 2015, 02:35:37 PM »


it was the other day, but anyway, sorted out my cranks and then the brakes, had a general fiddle because it's been sat idle for a while, the new stem's fine now. those pedals were £9 cheaper than black ones, i'm tempted to change the bodies for the black bodies i have as on that set on one the bearings have gone and the other is stuck in a powerbite but the colour has grown on me and i doubt i'll ever be fucked. i had some black plastic rubens in between but found them really uncomfy. they're still in almost new condition if anyone's interested!

took it down the park for the first time in ages to discover some genius has built this wooden bank bit:



bike is running absolutely sweetly and tempted to get another two plegs but with guards too it's a bit pricey, either way i've got to start riding it more


149
The Bike Shop / Re: The Anti-Odyssey
« on: June 21, 2015, 02:20:02 PM »
the new fly etnies tripod seat is the only nice tripod seat i've seen so far and i think that's only because it reminds me of a balance

http://www.flybikes.com/post/1432608360-2016-Preview-Flybikes-X-Etnies-Tripod-Seat

otherwise get some more pegs?

150
The Bike Shop / Re: Ideal BL hubs?
« on: June 13, 2015, 01:18:01 PM »
apparently, you'll never miss out on a session again because of a snapped axle

plus, they quote top gun in their sales spiel so just give them money

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